Photo: reddit user hippypunkftw
So, I have been inundated with match emails. This actually isn’t much of a compliment because I am pretty sure that most of these guys have not read my profile. I thought I would share the best of the worst for your enjoyment.
From inchains (what the hell kind of screen name is that?)
well after i read your profile , i gonna step forward !!!
i cant looks like your brad Pitt or johnny Depp, or even jon bon jovi ( i only can sing like him) but i am very responsible, honest, loyal and sincere person.
I am not sure if English is his second language or he if is illiterate. I am also not sure what caught me more off guard, the random capitalization and punctuation or the fact that I don’t really comprehend the last sentence at all. I just feel like there is no excuse.
Subject: OMG!!!! LOOK AT ME
okay. hopefully. that caused me to jump amidst the half dozen emails a day you receive. i am not going to lie. i am emailing you because you are a stone cold fox as i dont know anything about you. i know you like boating but unfortunately i dont own one. you should choose to let me persue you if for no other reason than im a great cook.. also im always aware in situations and sharp as a tack. i am pretty affectionate (tho not in public) and if im not the best looking tallest guy to be interested i must remind we are all the same height lying down and everybody looks the same with the lights off.
First, I do appreciate the compliment. I don’t think anyone has ever called me a stone cold fox. How about you guys? Also, spelling is important. Use Google Chrome people! It will spell check for you! Also, it is red flag if a guy you don’t know references sex the first time they communicate with you. This guy actually creeped me out and I hit the “no thanks” button pretty quickly.
hi i’m Siane. fb me lol
Well guess what Siane, I am on match instead of facebook trolling for a reason. Also, how in hell am I supposed to facebook you when I don’t know your last f’ing name?
And to continue the hilarity (or the general feeling of wtf) here is a link to some profiles that missed the mark.
If you guys have any funny online dating stories to share, feel free to comment!