The Best of the Worst

Photo: reddit user hippypunkftw

So, I have been inundated with match emails.  This actually isn’t much of a compliment because I am pretty sure that most of these guys have not read my profile.  I thought I would share the best of the worst for your enjoyment.

From inchains (what the hell kind of screen name is that?)

well after i read your profile , i gonna step forward !!! 

i cant looks like your brad Pitt or johnny Depp, or even jon bon jovi ( i only can sing like him) but i am very responsible, honest, loyal and sincere person.

I am not sure if English is his second language or he if is illiterate.  I am also not sure what caught me more off guard, the random capitalization and punctuation or the fact that I don’t really comprehend the last sentence at all.   I just feel like there is no excuse.

From rfaulkner

Subject: OMG!!!! LOOK AT ME

okay. hopefully. that caused me to jump amidst the half dozen emails a day you receive. i am not going to lie. i am emailing you because you are a stone cold fox as i dont know anything about you. i know you like boating but unfortunately i dont own one. you should choose to let me persue you if for no other reason than im a great cook.. also im always aware in situations and sharp as a tack. i am pretty affectionate (tho not in public) and if im not the best looking tallest guy to be interested i must remind we are all the same height lying down and everybody looks the same with the lights off.

First, I do appreciate the compliment.  I don’t think anyone has ever called me a stone cold fox.  How about you guys?  Also, spelling is important.  Use Google Chrome people! It will spell check for you!  Also, it is red flag if a guy you don’t know references sex the first time they communicate with you.  This guy actually creeped me out and I hit the “no thanks” button pretty quickly.

From ceOnO917

Subject: Hi!

hi i’m Siane. fb me lol

Well guess what Siane, I am on match instead of facebook trolling for a reason. Also, how in hell am I supposed to facebook you when I don’t know your last f’ing name?

Someone's Gotta Do It

And to continue the hilarity (or the general feeling of wtf) here is a link to some profiles that missed the mark.


If you guys have any funny online dating stories to share, feel free to comment!

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4 thoughts on “The Best of the Worst

  1. Oh I can identify with this. As, I’m sure, can any woman who has tested the online dating waters. I really like the second guy’s claim that he is “always aware in situations. What can I say? I’m charmed by extreme vagueness. haha.

  2. For the guys out there, I would also council that they NOT begin a courtship with the statement “I’m not the best looking”; I think this simply presumes that the woman is not smart enough to figure out that he is not Brad Pitt on her own. Furthermore, low self-esteem is generally not a turn on.
    I also think people really underestimate the value of spelling, etc. when making a first impression online–and using a mobile device is no excuse for “persue”, as it is not one of the autocorrect options. I should share this with my students to show them why spelling counts!

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